Deadlines and Agendas

Suddenly, August has arrived. Chaos! My mind is still stuck in the waves of "school" schedule, which I suppose is legitimate since I'm going to teach at a school.... but anyway, we're at 53 days. Whoaa.

Paperwork for Austria keeps piling up and I just... am having trouble caring. One task a day is certainly all I can manage, yet I keep having to do billions of things (passport pictures, money, medical forms, transcript, contract with the devil, etc) to get myself over there! It's as if part of me is fighting back against leaving! I just... don't feel too much joy in completing these tasks. On the other hand, I went to JiffyLube for an oil change and felt pretty good about that... until it was time to pay. What is it about money!? I feel like I will literally never have enough to buy things without stressing, even though I never consciously think about how much money I actually have. I have plenty, so much more than many other people, it's just this strange rationing part of my brain that refuses to give up anything without being willing! I'm the same way with belongings... it has to be MY decision or it's just not going happen very happily. Anyway, silly.

This time of life is confusing. Priorities changing in myself, priorities changing in people around me... I want to surround myself with people who I can relate to, who I can look up to, but don't really want to find them. So I subsist thinking things are how they have to be and not putting in the effort to change. Not that things are bad, of course! Some are great, improving. And some are not great but are growing, which is good. And some things and I are going to part ways. The hardest part is deciding which is which...

And so it begins...

Hmm. Well, after having blogger for almost a year, I suppose it's time to actually utilize it. I've been on livejournal for all of 8 years but am going to make the switch! This blog is essentially about me going to Austria to teach the academic year from 2010-2011, but we'll see what else happens.

Regarding Austria, I bought my ticket! Finally! 2 months and 4 days from now, I'll be jetting off into the sunrise and into Vienna! I'm nervous still, but two months seems like plenty of time to do everything I need to do. I've talked to my coordinating teacher a bit, who speaks perfect English (surprising, since she's an English teacher... bah). Classes are about 20 kids, and they kids will be 14ish. So it should be interesting, I think I get along better with younger kids but it will be fun to try this and see how it goes!

In other news, I'm trying to save up money for this trip by nannying this summer! The kids are great, 4 little French kids (2 boys, 7 and 9, and 2 twin 5 year old girls). They're a riot, really. Today, for example, I walked in on Daphne and Alize in the bathroom (door was open - not my fault), and Daphne says "Do you want to see my.... poop!?" No, my dear, I do not, but man am I glad you're so strange. It's exciting to watch them learn things (the girls are learning letters, the boys are learning mathy things) and play with them and sing terrible terrible pop music with them. All-in-all it's a good time.

I guess the most stressful part about this all is fighting that sense of urgency, like I will never be here again. And, I guess it's partly true... never again will I be here in this house so close to the University of Portland and so close to everyone I've known for 3+ years, but life changes and it's scary but exciting! I often feel so happy and complete in this city. I mean, I'm a weird girl... or at least, a child at heart. But I feel so comfortable here being myself, no matter who I want to be. I fear that doesn't exist in Vienna, doesn't exist without the positive people in my life now, and won't be here when I get back, but I guess that's the "leap of faith" - a trust in myself that I can be successful anywhere I go! Ahhh it'll be crazy, but I'm excited.

Welp. It's time to start learning German again.... ahhhh.