"Advice", or the Austrian version of it

In both of my schools, I've been assigned to one teacher (my "Betreuungslehrer"(in, if female)) who helps me organize my schedule and in general oversees my survival in Austria. At the tourism school, this teacher is great. She's kind, funny, and speaks perfect English (though we almost always speak German/Austrian). Anyway, she's about 45 or so, and we have some pretty ridiculous conversations.

My first day...
G: This is my best friend, S. She's really nice, and she can be your friend, but she can't be your best friend because she's already my best friend.

G: (pointing at S's desk) Katie, this is a "Sauhofen" (pigsty)

Me: Oh, okay! (quickly trying to memorize it)

....2 months later, after having used the word far too often....

G: By the way, you shouldn't use the word Sauhofen in polite society. It's not a very nice word - you should really only say it to S and me, just to be safe.

G: So, you're not going to stay another year.
Me: No... doesn't look that way...
G: The problem is that you need a boyfriend! An Austrian boyfriend!
S: Yes, do you go out in Vienna?
G: Not enough, certainly. You'd have met someone if you went out more. S used to live in Vienna, she went out all the time! She was crazy! But now she's happy. (mind you, S is divorced)
S: We need to find you a boyfriend. Maybe we could have a "speed dating" session for you....

G: Katie, you've been sitting here for hours! What are you doing?
Me: I'm waiting to teach in YOUR class in an hour!
G: What?! No. You should never ever have to wait 3 hours to teach in my class. I would never make you do that! Go home, get out of here!

G: Katie, where is your sweater!? Aren't you cold? I'm the one going through menopause!

G: My husband's coming back today! I'm so happy!
Me: Oh, great! How long has he been gone?
G: Ten days! It's been ten days since I've had sex!
Me: (wondering if I heard correctly, since sex and 6 (sechs) sound very similar)...... sex?
S: Yes, sex Katie! It's what married couples do, you know. Have sex! Didn't you know that? Ha ha ha.
G: Oh, Katie is going to think the Austrians are crazy (true) and that we are obsessed with sex (also true)! Yes, it's been 10 days! I can hardly wait!
...at which point I walked away uncomfortably, because there's really no way to make that situation better.