My first day...
G: This is my best friend, S. She's really nice, and she can be your friend, but she can't be your best friend because she's already my best friend.
G: (pointing at S's desk) Katie, this is a "Sauhofen" (pigsty)
Me: Oh, okay! (quickly trying to memorize it)
....2 months later, after having used the word far too often....
G: By the way, you shouldn't use the word Sauhofen in polite society. It's not a very nice word - you should really only say it to S and me, just to be safe.
G: So, you're not going to stay another year.
Me: No... doesn't look that way...
G: The problem is that you need a boyfriend! An Austrian boyfriend!
S: Yes, do you go out in Vienna?
G: Not enough, certainly. You'd have met someone if you went out more. S used to live in Vienna, she went out all the time! She was crazy! But now she's happy. (mind you, S is divorced)
S: We need to find you a boyfriend. Maybe we could have a "speed dating" session for you....
G: Katie, you've been sitting here for hours! What are you doing?
Me: I'm waiting to teach in YOUR class in an hour!
G: What?! No. You should never ever have to wait 3 hours to teach in my class. I would never make you do that! Go home, get out of here!
G: Katie, where is your sweater!? Aren't you cold? I'm the one going through menopause!
G: My husband's coming back today! I'm so happy!
Me: Oh, great! How long has he been gone?
G: Ten days! It's been ten days since I've had sex!
Me: (wondering if I heard correctly, since sex and 6 (sechs) sound very similar)...... sex?
S: Yes, sex Katie! It's what married couples do, you know. Have sex! Didn't you know that? Ha ha ha.
G: Oh, Katie is going to think the Austrians are crazy (true) and that we are obsessed with sex (also true)! Yes, it's been 10 days! I can hardly wait!
...at which point I walked away uncomfortably, because there's really no way to make that situation better.